On My first stripper and Robbing the Old Lady

For those who think my work is dull I offer the above catchy headline.

I receive a call today from a customer who tells me that she works in the entertainment business and gets paid only in cash, which is part of why she didn't file taxes... Well yes, I would imagine that line of work doesn't exactly come with a W2 and a health plan. Needless to say it was an educational experience to say the least.

The second part of the story is less amusing but still interesting. A 79 year old lady called me and I spent over thirty minutes trying to convence her that if she would simply pay the user fee to get into a monthly payment plan that she could send us $25 per month as opposed to the $157 she was sending in via her SS check. When we finally succeeded in bridging the communication gap she was practically turning cartwheels for joy. Nice to know it's the lady as a gender I struggle to communicate clearly with. :)

Wearing a Cloak of Water

So today I had lunch with my mother, Tom Ellis (the King of the Shigga Dig), and Rick- a.k.a. the Bald God. After this delightful meal (good food and company make for good times after all) Rick and I went to a spa to try a sensory dep tank. I found the experience truly unique, like sky diving in os far as you can't really say what it's like unless the other person's experienced the same thing. The feeling was something like wearing a cloak of water, as the water around my head felt like a cowl, and I could feel the water along my back and legs.

Overall a most interesting experience. Don't think it will replace the steak and stress relief program I currently have running, but I am very glad to have had the experience.

On Sleep, Saturday, and Eyore

I had the delight of waking up this morning at 11am, and was struck by the thought that this time would in the days of my youth, have been far too late for the truly important part of Saturday- i.e. cartoons. I am amused by the fact that when I was younger I would happily wake up at 7 or 8am to watch favorites, and when I was a bit older WWE, where as now I long for nothing more then a few extra hours worshiping Somnus.

I was also amused to be called Eeyoreish by a friend this week. Although I think of myself as being more Tiggerish, or perhaps Owlish, I fear that now and again Eeyore does indeed describe me well. (On a side note I have been having heated arguments with family and friends for the last few years about Eyore's coloring. Imagine my delight when I found the wiki linked above proving that victory is mine. Glooting? Me?)

Work continues a pace. Making it through in a fairly good way, and starting to get a handle on the job. Looking at hosting a New Year's Eve party at my place and of course prepping for the annual holiday known as the date of my birth. :)

On Sick Leave

As I contemplate sick leave the below poem came to mind, for some strange reason. I recommend it to all, young and young at heart.

Sick - Shel Silverstein

Sick

'I cannot go to school today, '
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
'I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I'm going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I've counted sixteen chicken pox
And there's one more-that's seventeen,
And don't you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut-my eyes are blue-
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I'm sure that my left leg is broke-
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button's caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained,
My 'pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb.
I have a sliver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangnail, and my heart is-what?
What's that? What's that you say?
You say today is...Saturday?
G'bye, I'm going out to play! '

On Sudo Justice

I found the murdering scum being hit on only one count out of hundreds yesterday as a example of sudo justice, and shows (if such is needed) why it is so important to treat terrorists like the enemy combatants they are, rather then sudo American citizens. From the article linked in the title...

"If this insane policy of appeasing terrorists and granting them American constitutional rights to be tried as quasi American citizens continues, the cost
of this failure will pale in comparison to the cost of the failure that will undoubtedly yet occur as a result of this ruling," he said in a written statement.
"Terrorists now have incontrovertible evidence that they can exploit the American justice system and they will use this knowledge to train new terrorist
recruits and manipulate their cases if and when they are caught."

A History Lesson

My friend and colleague Jonathan posted the below on his Facebook page, and as it contains great truth I thought I would post it here as well.

Alas I appear to have some liberal tendencies- i.e. sushi and imported beer, but am comforted by the red meat.

Hope you find this as entertaining as I did.

For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deerin the mountainsduring the summer and would go to the
coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beerand the invention of the wheel.The
wheel was invented to get man to the beer.These were the foundations of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity
into two distinct subgroups:1. Liberals 2. Conservatives.Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture.Neither
the glass bottlenor aluminum canwere invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close
to their brewery.That's how villages were formed.Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This
was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement...Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives
by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal
men eventually evolved into women. They became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention
of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democraticvoting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided. Over the years
conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious
reasons.Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef
well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone
levels than their men.Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented
the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Budor Miller. They eat red meat
and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters,rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
officers,engineers, corporate executives, athletes,members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives
who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide
what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when
conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.Here ends today's
lesson in world history!

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers
and to more liberals just to piss them off.And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self..... I'm going to have another beer.


A Thought on American Literature

I have recently finished The Coming of Conan, a collection of Conan the Barbarian stories by Robert E. Howard. I began the series with the desire to kill a few hours, but was quickly drawn in to the overarching story and well written characters and plot points. Having been addicted through this initial reading I was struck that in the realm of literature that which I love, H.P. Lovecraft, Stephen King, and Tom Clancy are all distinctly American. When I hear rantings about how American literature has provided nothing to culture, and how we are decaying as a culture, I simply look at the immense contributions provided by those mentioned above, combined with Ayn Rand and the classic American authors to believe that we as a people have and are increasing and deepening culture from a literary viewpoint.