Computer

A friend shared this and I just had to follow in his footsteps.

SPANISH...

unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

 'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa..'

'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female,

and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

  
The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

 (THIS GETS BETTER!)

  
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2 They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won!  

Word Play

I received the below from a friend and found it so amusing I simply had to share it here. Enjoy.

Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary,alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter,
and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

1.Cashtration(n.): The act of buying a house,which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2.Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3.Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4.Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5.Bozone( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of
breaking down in the near future.

6Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid..

7.Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8.Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9.Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10.Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11.Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious
bummer.

12.Decafalon(n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13.Glibido: All talk and no action.

14.Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15.Arachnoleptic Fit(n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spiderweb.

16.Beelzebug(n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17.Caterpallor( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

-------------------------------------------------
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common
words.

And the winners are:

1.Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2.Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3.Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4.Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5.Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6.Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7.Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8.Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9.Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10.Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11.Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

12.Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13.Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14.Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15.Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16.Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail clips

My favorite comedy movie of all time is Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail, so I was thrilled when I found some of my favorite clips from it on You Tube. I have posted some of them below for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy! :)

Some Thoughts From Dave Barry

Just reading through some Dave Barry and had to share:

The Mother of All Parties

The perils of pinatas

The Coffee Cantata

JS Bach's
Coffee Cantata
Libretto by
Christian Friedrich Henrici
Cantata BMV211
wav:229Kb

Composed for perfomance by Bach's Collegium at Zimmerman's Coffee House,
Leipzip, between 1732 & 1734



Recitative Narrator
Be quiet, stop chattering,
and pay attention to what's taking place:
here comes Herr Schlendrian
with his daughter Lieschen;
he's growling like a honey bear.
Hear for yourselves, what she has done to him!

Aria Schlendrian
Don't one's children cause one
endless trials & tribulations!
What I say each day
to my daughter Lieschen
falls on stony ground.

Recitative
Schlendrian You wicked child, you disobedient girl,
oh! when will I get my way;
give up coffee!
Lieschen Father, don't be so severe!
If I can't drink
my bowl of coffee three times daily,
then in my torment I will shrivel up
like a piece of roast goat.

Aria Lieschen
Mm! how sweet the coffee tastes,
more delicious than a thousand kisses,
mellower than muscatel wine.
Coffee, coffee I must have,
and if someone wishes to give me a treat,
ah, then pour me out some coffee!

Recitative
Schlendrian If you don't give up drinking coffee
then you shan't go to any wedding feast,
nor go out walking.
oh! when will I get my way;
give up coffee!
Lieschen Oh well!
Just leave me my coffee!
Schlendrian Now I've got the little minx!
I won't get you a whalebone skirt
in the latest fashion.
Lieschen I can easily live with that.
Schlendrian You're not to stand at the window
and watch people pass by!
Lieschen That as well, only I beg of you,
leave me my coffee!
Schlendrian Furthermore, you shan't be getting
any silver or gold ribbon
for your bonnet from me!
Lieschen Yes, yes! only leave me to my pleasure!
Schlendrian You disobedient Lieschen you,
so you go along with it all!

Aria Schlendrian
Hard-hearted girls
are not so easily won over.
Yet if one finds their weak spot,
ah! then one comes away successful.

Recitative
Schlendrian Now take heed what your father says!
Lieschen In everything but the coffee.
Schlendrian Well then, you'll have to resign yourself
to never taking a husband.
Lieschen Oh yes! Father, a husband!
Schlendrian I swear it won't happen.
Lieschen Until I can forgo coffee?
From now on, coffee, remain forever untouched!
Father, listen, I won't drink any
Schlendrian Then you shall have a husband at last!

Aria Lieschen
Today even
dear father, see to it!
Oh, a husband!
Really, that suits me splendidly!
If it could only happen soon
that at last, before I go to bed,
instead of coffee
I were to get a proper lover!

Recitative Narrator
Old Schlendrian goes off
to see if he can find a husband forthwith
for his daughter Lieschen;
but Leischen secretly lets it be known:
no suitor is to come to my house
unless he promises me,
and it is also written into the marriage contract,
that I will be permitted
to make myself coffee whenever I want.

Trio
A cat won't stop from catching mice,
and maidens remain faithful to their coffee.
The mother holds her coffee dear,
the grandmother drank it also,
who can thus rebuke the daughters!

This outstanding cantata is one of Bach's best (and I say that not simply because coffee is my addiction of choice). One doesn't think of classical music leaving one rolling in the aisles, but I would submit that Mozart, Bach, and Hyden all had quite entertaining works.

Acquiring a new Braille display

Yes indeed as everyone knows I have been drooling over an Alva BC640 and today I determined to acquire one. Of course this entailed a loan with my soul as calateral, but what's eternal life compaired to a new shiney Braille display? I looked at and went, well only $5,500- how can I ever pass *that deal* up?

For those of you having a bad day today is April 1st.

You're Pitiful

I happen to be a fan of Weird Al and loved his You're Pitiful song. It's now downloadable for free at the link above.

Humorous Scripture

I have always found the below highly amusing, and thought I would share.

"Then some of the itinerant Jewish exorcists undertook to invoke the name of the Lord Jesus over those who had evil spirits, saying, "I adjure you by the Jesus whom Paul proclaims." Seven sons of a Jewish high priest named Sceva were doing this. But the evil spirit answered them, "Jesus I know, and Paul I recognize, but who are you?" And the man in whom was the evil spirit leaped on them, mastered all of them and overpowered them, so that they fled out of that house naked and wounded." --Acts 19:13-16

Dave Barry Speaks on House Cleaning

Reading this article by Dave Barry made me laugh quite and bit. Excuse me, I need to go clean the bathroom... now where did I leave that Everclear?

On dogs

My wife (the most beautiful woman on God's green earth) wants a dog. Not only does she want a dog, she wants a dog that reminds me of Dante's Inferno when he describes Cerberus, minus the two extra heads of course. I have no problem with getting my wife a dog, though I took some comfort in this article from the great Dave Barry. Enjoy.

First Post of the New Year

I found this on National Review and it is a riot! Good to laugh a bit during this time. For those unaware my wife has taken a short full time job in Littleton that entails her being away from home pretty much all the time between now and early April. I miss her already (she left this afternoon) and am eager for the three months to be past. This is why I am reading the National Review at 4:47am- hard to sleep without my beloved here.

Also this describes well why I view with disgust those who will not look at both sides of an issue or take into account small things like facts.

Sueanne and I spent New Year’s Eve quietly at home, a very enjoyable way of bringing in the New Year (as loud drunken parties aren’t much on the agenda these days). We celebrated our second wedding anniversary early on the second and third at Cripple Creek where we enjoyed gambling, food, and the room. This week I have my first AT client, and am attempting to enjoy a better year this year then last.

My first post of the new year would not be complete without this gem from Dave Barry reviewing 2008. I found out he is a Libertarian, which I found most cool. His colum feed can be found here.

I also have to include this about wrapping paper from around Christmas time. Made me laugh so hard I thought it deserved inclusion despite the late date. As did the below.

What happened was, I slid off the chairlift and went back down the mountain very fast.
Q. What do you mean by ``very fast''?
A. I mean that, because of the Theory of Relativity, after a few seconds I had traveled in time back to 1963, and was still picking up speed when I penetrated deep into the woods.
Q. How deep did you penetrate?
A. One of the trees later bore my child.
Eventually I learned that the best tactic for skiing is: Never go DOWN the mountain. Always go SIDEWAYS, which involves less gravity. --Full Article



I pray for the persecuted.

Apple verses PC

Found these great commercials and wanted to share them.

Anti-Mac
Mac verses PC

I follow with the iced coffee...

Daft Bodies

Had this described to me and it sounds pretty cool.

See it here.

I follow with the iced coffee...

Perals Before Swine

A great cartoon series.

I follow with the iced coffee...

Bail Out Humor

Outstanding stuff.

The Bail Out on SNL

I follow with the iced coffee...

Amusing

McCainiacs Running Wild!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=565qnfe0qTE
http://www.bible.org/page.asp?page_id=3994
http://www.bible.org/page.asp?page_id=2603
For those who know my love for iced coffee the above article will show you unbelieving infidels that I was right all along when I called my coffee drinking 'holy'. *grin*
Desiring that blessed beverage even now...
http://minievil.eviloverlord.com/index.html