Letter to Santa

Had to share. Wishing all a merry Christmas!

Dear Santa, How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day. Merry Christmas, Timmy Jones * *

Dear Timmy, Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn’t want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I’ll bring you something you can go outside and play with.* Merry Christmas,* Santa Claus*** * *

Mr. Claus, Seeing that I have fulfilled the “naughty vs. Nice” contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn’t want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don’t you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite? Respectfully, Tim Jones * *

Mr. Jones, While I have acknowledged you have met the “nice” criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorney’s have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days. Very Truly Yours, S Claus * *

Now look here Fat Man, I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I’m about to tweet my boys and we’re gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I’m taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN! T-Bone * *

Listen Pizza Face, Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? “He sees you when you’re sleeping; He knows when you’re awake”. Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your shit wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you’d throw up your Totino’s pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom’s basement. You’re not getting what you asked for, but I’m still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in you’re ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia. S Clizzy * *

Dear Santa, Bring me whatever you see fit. I’ll appreciate anything. Timmy * *

Timmy, That’s what I thought you little bastard. Santa

The Angel on top of the tree

Had to share this. LOL! When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered. Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom. Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?' And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree. *Not a lot of people know this.

Adults Only

A friend sent this to me and I had to share. LOL!

Adults Only Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, The PRINCESS. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what... Metal, Wood, Stone, Anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, 'If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured.' The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan. The next day, he held a competition. Any man who could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth... THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE. The first brought a sword of the finest steel. But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly The second prince brought diamonds. He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted. He too was sent away disappointed. The third prince approached. He told the princess, 'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.' The princess did as she was told, though she turned red . She felt something hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!! The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after. Question: What was in the prince's pants? M&M's of course. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. What were you thinking?? I WORRY ABOUT YOU SOMETIMES !!!!

Friday Prayers

Pakistan—Court Dismisses Blasphemy Case Against Teen Sources: VOM Sources, Release International Proverbs 15:29 The blasphemy case against Christian teenager Rimsha Bibi was dismissed last week by the High Court in Islamabad. Rimsha, a 14-year-old with an apparent learning disability, had been accused of burning pages of the Quran. After her arrest, however, a Muslim cleric from her neighborhood was accused of fabricating evidence against her in an attempt to drive Christians out of the area. The cleric himself was then charged with blasphemy. In dismissing the case against Rimsha, Chief Justice Iqbal Hameed-ur Rehman cited a lack of witnesses and warned against making blasphemy accusations lightly. Although the charges against Rimsha have been dismissed, there are still concerns for her safety. Other Pakistani Christians have been murdered after their release from prison, and Rimsha and her family are now living in an undisclosed location. Pray for the protection and restoration of Rimsha and her family. Pray that this case will help bring about positive change in Pakistan’s blasphemy laws, which are often misused against Christians. Sudan—Christians Threatened by Islamist Attacks and Famine Sources: Australian Evangelical Alliance Religious Liberty Commission, VOM Sources Psalm 10:12 Thousands of Sudanese Christian refugees face a severe food shortage in the disputed border area of Abyei as Sudan and South Sudan debate its status. In addition, the Islamist regime in Khartoum continues its attacks against the non-Muslim and non-Arab residents in southern Sudan, which includes Abyei, South Kordofan and Blue Nile. The Sudanese government wants the region’s oil and water resources but not the “infidels” and “blacks” who live there. In recent weeks, the government has increased its aerial bombardment of Christian towns in southern Sudan, and famine is spreading. Pray for Christians in southern Sudan. Nigeria—Eleven Killed in Church Bombing Source: Release International, VOM Sources 1 Peter 3:12 At least 11 people were killed on Sunday, Nov. 25, when suicide bombers attacked a church inside the Jaji Military Cantonment in the northern state of Kaduna. Suspected Islamists drove a bus packed with explosives into the St. Andrew’s Military Church during a service, causing a large explosion. Although the initial explosion apparently caused no casualties, a second car bomb was detonated just outside the building about 10 minutes later, after church members had gathered around the site of the first explosion. In addition to the 11 killed, 30 people were injured, many of them seriously. No group has claimed responsibility for the bombing, but the Islamic extremist group Boko Haram is suspected in the attack. On Nov. 24, Nigeria’s army offered 290 million naira ($1.8 million) for information leading to the capture of 19 leaders of Boko Haram. The group, which is intent on overthrowing the government and enforcing Sharia, or Islamic law, throughout Nigeria, frequently targets Christians. Continue to pray for Nigerian Christians. Pray that their faith will remain strong and that they will respond in a Godly way to the continual violence. Laos—VOM Project Pray for the pastors and evangelists who received VOM-provided motorbikes and bicycles. Pray that they will be able to expand their ministries and reach out to villages where there is no pastor.

Friday Prayers

Thought I would share the prayers from VOM.

"Prayer is the pulse of life; by it the doctor can tell what is the condition of the heart. The sin of prayerlessness is a proof for the ordinary Christian or minister that the life of God in the soul is in deadly sickness and weakness." - Andrew Murray "praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints" - Ephesians 6:18 VOM-USA Prayer Update for November 9, 2012 On Thu. Nov 08 2012 at 03:09 PM Moderator wrote: North Africa--Seminary Classes Delayed Source: VOM Sources 1 Peter 3:14-16 The latest seminary class for a group of North African pastors has been delayed because of unrest in the region. A VOM partner reports that the students involved are very eager to continue their studies. In the meantime, they continue to study God's Word and prepare themselves for leadership in their local churches. Because of government restrictions, all churches in this region must meet in secret. "We feel confident that classes will resume in the very near future," a VOM partner said. "Please make this an urgent matter for prayer." Pray that the class will be able to resume soon and that the work of these ministers will bear much fruit in this region. Uzbekistan--Refugee Pastor Jailed While Seeking Protection Source: VOM Canada 2 Corinthians 4:1-2 Uzbekistan is seeking to extradite a refugee from Kazakhstan on charges that carry a maximum 15-year jail term. Pastor Makset Djabbarbergenov, who fled to Kazakhstan and was recognized as a refugee by the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees, has been charged with exercising freedom of religion or belief in his hometown of Nukus. On Oct. 15, a court in Almaty, Kazakhstan, authorized detention until Nov. 5 and claimed the Uzbek charges could be equated to terrorism-related charges under Kazakh law. The Supreme Court claims it cannot find an appeal that Makset filed in August. Please pray that Makset will not be deported. Pray that the Lord will give Makset and his wife the strength to remain faithful. Eritrea--Believers Arrested and Citizens Armed Source: VOM Sources Colossians 2:6-8 Christians in Eritrea are alarmed by an increase in Christian arrests and by the fact that the government appears to be arming citizens for unknown reasons. Authorities have continued to arrest Christians throughout Eritrea, holding them for several months before releasing them. The most recent arrests have occurred on the outskirts of the capital, Asmara. In addition, the government is arming citizens between the ages of 18 and 70 with AK-47 rifles. "The latest report I have from Asmara is that now, for a few hours every day, everyone is taking some kind of a basic training [with the weapons]," wrote a VOM contact. "There is rumored speculation [that the distribution of arms] started when the late Ethiopian prime minister was sick; there is a tense fear that the new Ethiopian political situation might trigger another conflict. [The other possible explanation is that] as usual it is a diversion that the government creates to occupy its citizens," the contact said. Pray for God's protection of Christians in Eritrea and for stability and political reform in the country. Bangladesh--VOM Project Pray for families in need of emergency funds for court fines and fees. The relief will go to persecuted families in remote house churches who have urgent needs. Pray also for the workers involved in delivering the funds.

Friday Prayers

Wanted to share the below from VOM.

"Prayer is the pulse of life; by it the doctor can tell what is the condition of the heart. The sin of prayerlessness is a proof for the ordinary Christian or minister that the life of God in the soul is in deadly sickness and weakness." - Andrew Murray "praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints" - Ephesians 6:18 VOM-USA Prayer Update for November 2, 2012 On Thu. Nov 01 2012 at 12:08 PM Moderator wrote: Indonesia--Church Ordered to Move Source: Church Ordered to Move Psalm 22:27 The Taman Yasmin Indonesian Christian Church (GKI) in Bogor, West Java, was recently ordered to relocate to a neighborhood three miles from its current location. The church, which was forced to meet outdoors for years because of Islamic pressure, believes it would face strong opposition at the new site and has firmly rejected the order. It has instead called on officials to respect a 2010 Supreme Court ruling that reinstated the church's building permit. Under pressure from local Muslims, authorities have closed nine "illegal" churches in Banda Aceh. Two weeks ago, the churches' leaders were forced to sign statements agreeing to close their church buildings. Authorities have warned that they will continue to monitor these congregations to ensure that church activities are not resumed. Please pray for GKI and other churches in Indonesia as they struggle to worship God amid severe persecution. Iran--Church Leaders Sentenced to Prison Sources: Mohabat News Luke 22:33 On Oct. 15, an Assemblies of God pastor in Ahwaz, Iran, and three of the church's ministers were each sentenced to one year in prison after being convicted of "converting to Christianity, inviting Muslims to convert, as well as propagating against the Islamic regime through promoting Evangelic Christianity." Pastor Farhad Sabokrouh; his wife, Shahnaz Jeizan; Naser Zamen Dezfuli; and Davoud Alijani received the maximum penalty for the charges, and they may appeal the ruling. Pray that God will give peace and strength to these pastors as well as other imprisoned Christians still awaiting trial. Tanzania--Christian Guards Protect Imprisoned Teen Source: VOM Contacts Numbers 6:25 A Tanzanian teenager charged with desecrating a Quran has been blessed with the protection of two Christian prison guards. A VOM contact who visited 17-year-old Eva Abdullah this month said the female Christian guards promised to care for Eva and help keep her safe. Eva converted from Islam to Christianity three years ago and was subsequently disowned by her family. When a group of radicals couldn't persuade her to deny her faith in Christ, they falsely accused her of desecrating a Quran. Although many Christian leaders were afraid to defend her, compassionate attorneys have taken her case. Pray for the continued protection of Eva and her Christian guards. Praise God for these two guards, who are a comfort to Eva as she awaits trial, and pray that Eva will continue to shine the light of Christ. Colombia--VOM Project Pray for 25 widows supported through VOM's Families of Martyrs fund. They and their families are provided food, utilities and fellowship with other believers.

Voting Independently

Yesterday I went and voted early. Although most anyone who has had any type of political conversation with me for more then three minutes is likely to know exactly how I voted, because I used an accessible voting machine no one but me can be certain of how I voted. Since the introduction of accessible voting machines in 2006 I have been able to vote independently. For those who take this for granted I would suggest they think how they would feel if, no matter how well meaning, they had to rely on someone of the opposite political view to mark your ballot. For some this is a necessity, but not for the blind. The accessible voting machine I used had buttons clearly marked in Braille, and I was able to operate it easily in mere moments. The selection of my choices on the machine was straightforward, and once I understood the layout of how each race was run I was able to quickly and easily select my options. I reviewed the ballot and submitted it, all within twenty minutes.

I am happy to have voted in 2012, and I am almost as pleased to have been able to do so independently and easily. I hope everyone who votes, particularly the blind, may have an equally straightforward experience. Remember, if you don't vote, you can't rant.